London is to get thirty miles of new 'bike only' cycle lanes for it's new cyclists, ones that will enable crossing the city without having to evade cars and heavy traffic, with improved cycle speed limits of 20 MPH on the new 'pedrestrian free' cycle only lanes.
In your dreams it is, you wish you were!
Am I the only one to have noticed the new 'bike sex' fashion among those cyclists who have taken up the 'buy now pay later' offer from their Employers? The ones who have been filling our streets lately, cycling the same way they previously drove (selfishly).
For years traditional Tour De France yellow tops used to be the clothing item of choice for new cyclists, but they are now "so last year" they are becoming fossilised, in their stead we are seeing a rise in body hugging, tight black Lycra body suits and even long gloves for men that end at the top of the arm (looking along them you expect to see a stylish Audrey Hepburn at one end holding a Cigarette in a long holder), plus tight as can be shorts that are just the right length to show off the new pedal induced calf muscles that these cyclists are so proud of showing off, (because they have never had a visible muscle group before).
"BRING OUT THE CYCLE GIMP"
Keeping in mind that many of these new cycle gimps are middle aged men the whole trend can't help but take on a bit of a creepy and quite 'pervy' aspect.
I even saw one gimp a few days ago who was sporting a style of cycle mask that Ive only ever seen on documentaries about Vivienne Westwoods designing history, and the period covering her early 1970's 'rubber sex' clothing line, or on Documentaries about the Cambridge rapist.
Honestly, the only way these people can only be accurately described as, is looking like 'cycle gimps' (ala Tarrentino), all that's missing is the wearing of a spikey dog collar and chain connecting them to the handle bars.
Their clothing has taken on a definite S&M taint to it. With the adrenalin rush cycling gives, combined with the tight, hugging and rubbing Lycra clothing and masks, at some point something unwholesome must enter their minds as they rub along showing off their calf muscles.
It can't be long before these middle aged men are seen turning up in their cycle outfits at annual S&M Balls and the whole thing becomes a new sexual Fetish all of its own.
It's just a shame they weren't made to take bicycle proficiency tests, or at least be given information about how much distance is needed to stop while cycling at high speeds before being given charge of their new machines, instead of letting them just obsess about how they look in their tight new 'outfits'.
The headline and first two lines were written because they would show up on the Google list, humble apologies to non 'cycle Gimps'.
In your dreams it is, you wish you were!
Am I the only one to have noticed the new 'bike sex' fashion among those cyclists who have taken up the 'buy now pay later' offer from their Employers? The ones who have been filling our streets lately, cycling the same way they previously drove (selfishly).
For years traditional Tour De France yellow tops used to be the clothing item of choice for new cyclists, but they are now "so last year" they are becoming fossilised, in their stead we are seeing a rise in body hugging, tight black Lycra body suits and even long gloves for men that end at the top of the arm (looking along them you expect to see a stylish Audrey Hepburn at one end holding a Cigarette in a long holder), plus tight as can be shorts that are just the right length to show off the new pedal induced calf muscles that these cyclists are so proud of showing off, (because they have never had a visible muscle group before).
"BRING OUT THE CYCLE GIMP"
Keeping in mind that many of these new cycle gimps are middle aged men the whole trend can't help but take on a bit of a creepy and quite 'pervy' aspect.
I even saw one gimp a few days ago who was sporting a style of cycle mask that Ive only ever seen on documentaries about Vivienne Westwoods designing history, and the period covering her early 1970's 'rubber sex' clothing line, or on Documentaries about the Cambridge rapist.
Honestly, the only way these people can only be accurately described as, is looking like 'cycle gimps' (ala Tarrentino), all that's missing is the wearing of a spikey dog collar and chain connecting them to the handle bars.
Their clothing has taken on a definite S&M taint to it. With the adrenalin rush cycling gives, combined with the tight, hugging and rubbing Lycra clothing and masks, at some point something unwholesome must enter their minds as they rub along showing off their calf muscles.
It can't be long before these middle aged men are seen turning up in their cycle outfits at annual S&M Balls and the whole thing becomes a new sexual Fetish all of its own.
It's just a shame they weren't made to take bicycle proficiency tests, or at least be given information about how much distance is needed to stop while cycling at high speeds before being given charge of their new machines, instead of letting them just obsess about how they look in their tight new 'outfits'.
The headline and first two lines were written because they would show up on the Google list, humble apologies to non 'cycle Gimps'.
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