An open letter to Sir Issac Newton esq.
SIR, I am writing thif open letter to you via the columnf of the daily newf carrierf to bitterly complain about the lateft ridiculouf theorum that you feem to have thruft upon uf, herebye makeing uf thee victimf of itf newlee difcovered flawf.
I contend thate had ye not been fitting belowe a tree to which dropped an appol in fornt of thyne iyes then fir youe woode not have ftumbled upon your prepofperofe 'rounde earthe' therorum thate doth ftate that all obiectf shall fall downwardes towarde thee grounde, therefore damning uf all to become flaves to thif new 'natuale law' af I have hearde of thif  theorum  beeing fpoken of openly and named in the tavernf and liberief of Londonne.
I warne thee that it if caufing gerate confternation among thee personages of all tradef and claffef from everee parifhef who are all now living with great confternation and feare of being pulld downe upon thee grounde at enny moment.
I alfo have a more perfonelle reafon fore bringing this matter upon thy attention,  thate being my miffortune to falle ftraighte upon my arfe during thee latest spell of Hellifh fnow ande ice that hast caufed much confternation within the manye Gentile-menf clubf of Mayfayre and other eftablifhments.
Inn fhort MR Newton, Defift from carryinge out your dammed infernal tinkeringf  before we all falle down and are ftuck too thee floor eternally.
Yes I fell on my arse in the snow.