REALLY BIG BAD DRACULA

VLAD REALLY WAS A BIG BAD BOY.

The Dracula we know here in western Europe, is to us the evil undead Vampire lord and camp Horror film
character, but to the people of his native region, called Walachia in his day (now Romania -at the moment) he is a celebrated folk hero on par with our Richard the Lionheart for his defence of 'Christendom' from the Turkish Muslims attempted invasion of Europe, his country then being the buffer between the two religions and cultures.
Despite our ideas about him the regions people regard Vlad's famously insane hobby of Impaling people and creating ever more ways of hurting people for fun just a part of him that came with the job.
They weren't Even largely aware of our Dracula until the Cold War ended, and loads of odd Western Goths flooded into Romania looking for some mythical Nosferatu, one can only imagine what the locals thought of the new visitors, laughter was among the effects I imagine though.
Yet the other day I came across a new twist on the Dracula story, one not part of either traditions that I know of anyway, its not in Stokers version for sure.

VLAD THE 'IMPALER'.

This legend is connected to Dracula through his 'God gifted' Royal powers (that many Royal rulers believed they had) to heal.
According to the legend which I found in a book called the 'Khazar Dictionary', we find out through a Princess who went to him for some healing help that Vlad's nickname of 'The Impaler' just might of been earned for a different reason altogether, because according to this story, the Princess spent a night with our Warrior Hero and found that Vlad was endowed with "the most enormous Penis that he used to tie the end of to a  Silken thread that was attached at the other end to a Chaffinch".
Which he would strut around with, so that the birds flight held the member up and out for all to see (the Princesses fate is too grim for this family read).
As a man I can also imagining him having certain  needs, and judging by his penchant for murderous brutality I'm sure his needs were met at once as soon as ordered for -or else. As for being on the business end of his bedroom manner, I can't imagine it being a very erotically gentle, sensual experience.
Thus, owning such a large surging, member, ever hungry to be sated, like all those power drunk madmen are, it seems obvious that he would of earned himself a crude title like 'Impaler', especially coupled with his Wooden Impaling hobby.
And this from the great defender of Christs faith and its people in the West.
Speaking of Willy's, I worked alongside a Stall holder who used to wear tight Trousers and in Summer tight little shorts that showed off his impressive pride and joy. Having the nickname 'Sirloin' for some Macho reason didn't help, and being a bit of a nutter we couldn't be obvious to his face but when referring to him we used to flourish an exaggerated bow, and in faux Elizabethan accents say "ah, greetings and salutations Sir Loin" (geddit?). You had to be there I 'spose.