STOP DOING THAT IN PUBLIC, PLEASE.

We all have our own little nuances, that are funny, odd and sometimes confusing little habits, ones that are peculiar to us all, to us they have of course, perfect reasoning behind them, make perfect sense and are completely normal. Most of us do ours subtly, in a corner so as to do 'it' while going unnoticed for the sake of sheer politeness (and that little thrill, the same you imagine gangsters feel after a big job). While others, when done openly in the company of some 'polite society' old dears at lunchtime, have the ability to put people off their organic pecan croissants and coffee without a care in the world ("more tea Vicar?").
We're all guilty at sometime or another of committing these personal little sins of our own. Everyone of us does things on a regular basis that we consider completely normal (if thought about at all), or so inconsequential that we think they don't matter, and nor will they be noticed by anyone. Little things like picking the nose, then rolling the bogey into a ball before its satisfied consumption (gross), while waiting for the lights to change. The public scratching of 'privates' in public places like the pub is also a regular, or the use of a door key to pick the wax from your ears (and then inspecting the key with a singular dedication that would have Conan Doyle reaching for his pen), but this one isn't one you see everyday.
This is the worst one I think I've ever known of, and is known to me as "Smell my finger".
BILL CLINTON, AN 'OLD HAND' SHOWS US THE CORRECT WAY TO SMELL ONES FINGER.
This revolting habit is practised by a bloke who for the sake of shame and embarrassment shall be known hereafter by his real name, that of Frank.
When I first saw Frank do this I said nothing although, I did think that maybe he should wash his hands after sex. After I had first noticed it he seemed to be doing it all the time, I seemed to notice that Frank continually seemed to have his finger under his nose, I could even see his nostrils flare as he tried to take in the maximum odour possible. Was he increasing his nasal fetish or was I just becoming unnaturally obsessed with the whole thing?, He was though, doing this very regularly, too much so in my opinion.
Being the adult that I am I did what any adult in my position would do, I gossiped to mates about it, we all surreptitiously watched him in the pub, and all came to the conclusion that he was doing it for some odd and unpleasant sexual reason. Then, one night I drank up the courage to ask him "what have you been doing with your fingers that makes you want to sniff them so much? is it a sex thing?" I slurred, full of courage.
"I do it because I like the nicotine smell on them" he said."but, but, you smoke roll-ups and they make your fingers smell like you've used them to wipe your arse!" I replied tactfully, (half joking now) "how do I know its a nicotine smell your inhaling?" I asked, "I'll prove it to you, have a smell" he said. I declined for various sickening reasons , but (even as an ex roll-up smoker myself) as I would be hard pressed to know the difference between roll ups after-smell and human do-do's at the most relaxed of times I declined and pretended to be convinced of his story just so as to end the conversation.
He still does it, in the pub, shop, street, where ever, and while a large part of me has, over the years come to except his nicotine reason. A small part of me is sure he is up to something that is far from nice.
And besides that, it's a nasty sight to have to be confronted with, or have to stand next to someone who is doing it, one that when standing next to a bloke deeply inhaling himself brings up many many gross thoughts and a sense of shame.